31 Days Toward Understanding Autism…(day 17)

(Here’s a brief explanation for what you will see on my blog for the month of October: I’m taking part in the 31 Days of Writing Challenge over on the Nesting Place blog. The topic I chose to write about is: 31 Days Toward Understanding Autism)

Vacations. Yay, right? (Ummm…yeah.)

I read a post the other day about planning a ‘frugal’ vacation, and as I read it, it reminded me of what we have to do when we plan a vacation with our kids.

Plan ahead.

First we have to decide what the purpose of our vacation is…

Do we want to have crazy fun?
Do we want to relax?
Do we want to be busy with activities?
Do we want to not plan anything?
Do we want to eat out or bring our own food?
Do we want to fly or drive?

Do we want to do something outlandish or do we want to actually have (reasonably) pleasant memories that won’t require hours of therapy for everyone afterwards? (Gee…which one?)

Plans. Whether they work out perfectly or not, they help the vacation to have…direction. Which is especially helpful when our kids start asking…the questions. (And for those of you who live with autism, you understand exactly what that means.) You don’t just go somewhere…with autism. In fact, you don’t ‘just’ anything.

Why are we going to the zoo? (Well, wouldn’t you like to see the animals?)
Well, which animals are we going to see exactly? (Ummm…well, maybe some tigers and gorillas.)
What’s a gorilla? (An ape.)
Well, I don’t know what gorillas are. So I don’t think I want to see them. Will they have snakes? (Uh, I think so.)
Okay. I’ll just look at them. (silence)
But, can we touch the animals? (Uh, no. Besides, you probably wouldn’t want to.)
Well, yeah, because…a tiger would eat us. Will they eat us if they escape? (Well, they can’t escape.)
Well, how do you know? (Just…because.)
So, when are we leaving? (At ‘such-and-such’ time. Why?)
I don’t know if I will get hungry there. Can we come back home to eat? (Oh, we’ll just eat there. It’ll be fun!)
Well, I don’t know what they’ll have to eat. How will I know? (Well, I’m sure they’ll have some french fries and a hot dog. Trust me, you’ll like it.)
Well, I don’t know what their hot dogs will taste like. (Probably just like the ones we eat at home.)
How do you know that? Have you eaten one there? (Well, no, but…I’m sure it will be good.)
Well…I don’t know if it will be. (…note to self: bring white flag for surrender….)

That’s just a portion of a conversation we would have concerning one day’s visit to a local zoo.

Now imagine that line of questioning…times 3…per each day we will be on vacation. (Is it any wonder that planning anything longer than three days puts me on medication…? )

The thing is, they always (well, usually) end up having fun. It’s just the pre-questionaire leading up to the vacation that tends to drain the energy completely out of my body. They have to know everything.

What’s going to happen?
When is it going to happen?
How is it going to happen?
…and (maybe even) why.

Because they don’t process life as easily as other people, and they need to be prepared and ready for…anything. Sort of like they need to warn their body and brain of the new sensory stuff that could be headed their way.

Like…

…the restaurant not having ‘their’ food.
…the drive making them sick.
…their DS going dead.
…getting too hot.
…being too cold.
…where they will sleep.
…how many people will be there.
…where the bathrooms will be.

So in the beginning, if we can decide on the purpose, it usually gets us about 60% of the way through it.

If we want crazy fun…then we do it close to home so they can be back in their beds by night-time.
If we want to relax…we can probably make it a few days out of town.
If we want them to learn something during the vacation…then we let them decide where we go. They can choose what they want to learn about. Sort of gives them a better sense of control.

Here’s a few examples of things we’ve tried…

The beach. You have the water, but since it’s the ocean, they might see some fish or find some shells. (A bit of learning and new experiences there.) Plus you have the sand. That’s a new texture to discover you can walk on. (Although we have a picture of G, when he was 18 months old, holding his feet up, not allowing us to put him on the sand. He couldn’t deal with the texture on his foot. It’s a cute picture, but…it wasn’t working for him at that moment.)

A museum. On a school day (insert gasp of shock). The reason being…not a lot of people are there. They can take in what all they see without the overload of movement from the crowds.

The zoo. It did end up working out. We spent a full hour in the ‘house’ where all the lizards, snakes, spiders, and crocodiles were. (No surprise there.) They were glued to the window! (Althougth S was a bit disappointed that no animals were pink and sparkly.)

The gorillas were a also big hit. Especially when one of the gorillas was hiding under a blanket. When his gorilla ‘buddy’ pulled the blanket off, he turned, looked at all the people watching him, and just pulled the blanket back over his head. M said, “I know what he feels like. He must have autism! He doesn’t like us watching him.” And M was ready to go…knowing the gorilla didn’t want to be watched. (The remarkable part of autism….compassion.)

Also our kids love playing in swimming pools. The water calms them. So when my mother’s side of the family wanted to meet/re-acquaint themselves with our kids, they asked us what would work best. (Very thoughtful.) And normally we would have had them stay with us, but our house wasn’t quite large enough, so they stayed in a hotel. Which worked out perfectly because…the hotel had a pool. So we would head over to see my aunts and grandmother, and the kids got to know them by swimming with them. Being in the water relaxed our kids which made meeting new relatives…calming.

{Ironcially, we have actually considered checking into a local hotel…just for the pool. That way it feels like a vacation, but we get…familiar restaurants, family doctors, home (if need be), and things our kids recognize. It’s not the most powerful idea, I know, but…you do what works.}

And as for Christmas this year, we thought of meeting everyone half-way (in the mountains), but when I mentioned it to our kids, M said (in complete horror), ‘We’re staying on a mountain?! What if I fall off? Mountains are so tall!!’ (Hmmm…wow.) Let’s just say that that conversation took 10 minutes before I could see he was (finally) relaxing. I’ll just to show him some pictures and (hopefully) he will understand.

The point is, try to balance the (probable) sensory overload with calming alternatives.

New place?…surround them with (familiar) family.
New family?…surround them with a familiar place.

If you’re heading to Disneyworld (lots of sensory), plan to eat in your hotel room each evening, and let them do what calms them. Give them options…some space.

(For instance)…On one trip M took with us, I could tell he was exhausted. So that morning, instead of heading out according to plan, we decided that my husband would go eat with our friends, and I would remain at the hotel with M. It gave him a chance to play quietly for a while, and he was calm(er) by lunch. That brief adjustment helped M make it till we left the next morning.

As you can see, it doesn’t always go smoothly, but as with frugality, if you do your best to think ahead, it helps make the end result work out better.

And if they get unsettled, don’t ignore it…address it. Find out what’s wrong. Teach them how to function through what they’re experiencing….(if it’s possible).

Main thing to remember is, a vacation is meant to be enjoyed.

So find the purpose…then make a plan.